


Explosions are Eternal

by Blair_Chandaza



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:07:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26640391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blair_Chandaza/pseuds/Blair_Chandaza
Summary: Deidara gets some sugar and all around chaos ensues.Rewritten from original.
Relationships: Deidara/Sasori (Naruto), Hidan/Kakuzu (Naruto), Hoshigaki Kisame/Uchiha Itachi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	1. Sugar and Pancakes

Tobi slid across the floor, arms pinwheeling as he tried to sit up from laying back. “S-senpai help!”

“You did this on _purpose,_ You’re not getting any help.”

The leftover container of sweets, now over three quarters gone, was chunked at Tobi’s head, narrowly missing a direct hit to the forehead. Sasori’s eyes tracked the scuttling man, pushing their living room couch to the side as he tried to use it as cover. 

“Tobi didn’t know it would make Deidara-senpai pass out!” Grabbing him by the collar of his cloak as he loomed over, Sasori hauled him up to eye level. “You had better _pray_ the brat recovers from this, or next time? I won’t miss the headshot.”

Dropping him, Sasori brushed off his robes and went back to his room, slamming the door behind him. 

“Who the _fuck_ is yelling? It’s two-thirty in the fucking afternoon!” Ruffled silver hair poked out of another doorway a few feet away from Sasori’s room. Hidan’s mauve eyes were red-rimmed from his hasty awakening. 

Tobi’s chest rose and fell as he tried to calm his rapidly beating heart. “Hidan-chan, Tobi’s going to die!” The zealot’s nose wrinkled as he looked down over at him, “Who the hell cares? You probably deserved it.”

Bare chested, since he’d neglected to throw on a shirt in favor of checking out the sudden commotion, Hidan slid into the kitchen searching for something edible. He flipped the switch on the wall, wincing at the bright over head lights. “Ah fuck, and I thought I already couldn’t see.” Grabbing the griddle and some leftover pancake mix from last nights late breakfast, Hidan started spooning out batter onto the cold surface. 

As the batter bubbled and became closer to the fluffy consistency he was looking for, he grabbed the spatula, teasing the edges. A light click drew his attention to Itachi and Kisame’s joined rooms, as he looked over to see the Uchiha studying him. “Ah not surprised it was you causing the noise.” Itachi muttered, pulling his hair into a high ponytail as he got closer to the kitchen bar, taking a seat in front of Hidan’s cooking. “No, asshole, it’s not me. I got woken up by somebody throwing Tobi around in here.” He gestured to the couch, which was still crooked and far too close to the coffee table. 

Itachi sighed, “Sasori’s gotten riled up. He’s the only one that gives no thought to this kind of chaos.” He turned to the body on the floor, “Eh, Tobi, what did you do to piss off Akasuna, hm?”

Tobi waved his hand, “Tobi just gave Deidara-senpai some of Tobi’s snacks!” he pointed to the chocolates in the corner. Hidan whistled, “Damn kid, if that’s what’s left, how much did you give Dei?” The plate of pancakes was pushed in front of Itachi who began cutting them up as the door to Hidan’s room opened again. 

Kakuzu’s head nearly hit the top of the door frame as he came into the living room. Hidan could appreciate the distinct lack of shirt on his partner, but his mouth went dry at the glare he noticed being levelled at him. 

“It fucking wasn’t me making the noise ‘Kuzu!” The slotted spatula he held in front of him was doing absolutely nothing to stop the wiggling of the threads in his neck. 

The tired stare intensified the closer he got to Hidan. “That’s not what I was worried about. My question here is _why_ you’re not still asleep, Hidan.”  
Hidan stuck his tongue out, “I got hungry you asshole. Sacrifices take a lot of calories.” Itachi snorted into his cup of coffee and Hidan flipped him off in reply. 

Kakuzu pretended to contemplate his answer, “Hm, liar.” He extended a hand toward Hidan- palm up, seemingly non-threatening. Hidan’s muscles twitched as the stitches started to squirm through his skin. “Fuck, no- ‘Kuzu, listen…”

One finger went down to his palm. “No, _you listen_ . We’re going to bed whether you _like it_ or _not._ ” He smirked, calling to the threads in his partner. 

Planting his hands against the counter, Hidan bared his teeth. No, because _fuck_ Kakuzu and that rickety ass bed with its subpar thread count. Hell they needed to replace the sheets because they had holes in them. But would the old miser part with the count that would contribute to their combined comfort? No. 

“Fuck, this never feels any less invasive.” Grabbing the wall support, he grimaced. The threads were winding in and out vying to meet with themselves midair. A violent shudder crawled up his spine, ferocious and cold, making him jolt forward towards Kakuzu. Which put him within grabbing range, _fantastic._ Kakuzu’s other hand grabbed his hair, pulling back to meet him in the eyes. “Sleep time now, irritating little deviant.” 

Itachi watched Kakuzu half drag the zealot back to their rooms, locking the door behind them. Another sip of his coffee and he sighed, placing the mug on the counter in front of him. “Konan-san, you’re more than welcome to come sit with me.”  
The wall within the kitchen fluttered, morphing into the bluenette as she stepped away. “So, Itachi, do you think this _accidental_ sharing of snacks by Tobi should be something Pein-sama needs to worry about?” 

Itachi glanced at where the masked man had been, having since crawled off to avoid more of Sasori’s wrath no doubt. “I believe we should keep an eye on it.” 


	2. of noodles and sharks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hidan gets noodles , kisame gets an eyeful of something he had no interest in

Hidan half opened one eye to peer out of the pile of blankets he’d draped over them after Kakuzu had very literally dragged him into bed. 

The grey light filtering into the room through the blinds wasn't very indicative of a warm day, so he wiggled against Kakuzu’s back to keep in the warmth the man exuded. 

_ BANG. _

__ Growling, he pushed the covers back, whacking his elbow on the cheap nightstand in the process. “Fuck.” he hissed, rubbing the tingling joint as he sat on the edge of the bed. He froze as Kakuzu rolled toward him, grabbing the pillow he’d abandoned. Slowly getting to his feet, he grabbed a mesh shirt off the chair by the window, pilling it over his head as he walked over to the bedroom door and stuck his head out. 

A split second of registry occurred for him to process the flying body coming towards him, before the shut the door again, wincing at the impact through the doorknob. Reopening the door, now with a brand new human-sized crater in it--Kakuzu was going to  _ love  _ paying for the repair on that--Hidan looked down at Tobi on the floor and stepped over him. “Fucking too early for this shit, I’m hungry.”

He hadn’t been lying to Kakuzu about his caloric intake, and damn if he hadn’t been interrupted yesterday before he’d gotten to eat his own goddamn pancakes. 

Opening the fridge, he grabbed a bowl of lo mein, setting it in the microwave, jabbing the four to set it turning. As the bowl turned for it’s five minutes, he watched Tobi clutch the wall to resume standing and limp off down the hall towards Zetsu’s room. 

_ Ding, ding! _

The microwaves beeping distracted him, so the blonde stretched across the barstools behind the counter with a grin was an interesting surprise, “Hey Hidannn!” Sighing, Hidan grabbed a fork from the silverware drawer and shoved him over, “Heya Blondie, thought you were all hyped up on sugar or some shit?”

Snorting in disbelief, Deidara leaned back in the chair. “Yea, Tobi gave me some snacks, what - did you think I’d eaten it all?” Hidan scratched at his neck, the threads shifting under his fingers, “Yea Sasori seems to think you did.” Dei grabbed the zealots hands from picking at his neck, “Quit, hm, you’re going to draw blood then what will Kakuzu say? I’m not mindless Hidan, I do know my limits with sugar, even better than Danna, heh.” 

Shoving a forkful of noodles in his mouth, Hidan shrugged, using the blond as a makeshift chair while rain started  _ pitter-patter  _ on the roof of the base. Dei nudged him as the fork scraped the empty bowl, “Lets move to the couch?” Their living room had to have been rearranged the previous night by Konan, who was fairly insistent that the base be kept neat and tidy. It wasn’t like they were going to have guests, but he had to admit the various throws and pillows scattered around had there uses. 

Patting the cushion next to him, he motioned Hidan over, “C’mon, I doubt Kakuzu will be up for a couple more hours, and Danna just went to bed.” He wiggled his eyebrows at Hidan’s eager grin, pulling his legs up to his chest as the other grabbed one of Uchiha’s spare comforters, throwing it over them. For once, Itachi’s insomniac tendencies were working to their advantages.    
“You know one of these days, Itachi is  _ going  _ to catch you two doing that.”    
Hidan stopped, heart pounding as he moved the black quilt back, “H-hey Kisame, didn’t see you there…”Deidara jolted up, pushing him away. The swordsman narrowed his eyes in disbelief, “ Right Hidan, I’m sure the sudden lack of blood to your brain is exactly what caused you to not see, or hear me.    
The blush spreading across his face made Dei duck his head down in embarrassment. “If you’re going to get in a quick fuck, I understand, but for Kami’s sake do us all a favor and pick somewhere and under something else.” Hidan threw the offending article at Kisame, standing up, “Alright then, go fuck the Uchiha under it yourself then fish-face.” The room got very quiet, except for the exhale of Hidan’s breaths. He had that half second to regret his words before Samehada came flying towards his face, teeth first. 

‘Well, shit.’

**Author's Note:**

> This is a rewrite of my original fic on FF.net


End file.
